"Why Wilderness?"

First things first, I feel I should apologize for the changing template. I am still reacquainting myself with some of the features on Blogger...that and I am a bit curious. So, as a head's up, don't be surprised if it changes again.

At the moment, things are going well as can be. The sun was shining yesterday and little today. Got my first minor sunburn of the year. I've been riding my bicycle (imagine this being said in the voice of Freddie Mercury). Saw a Red-tail hauling a stick for a nest. Saw a great performance by a local author/humorist/amateur farmer. Life is good.

So why is it that I still feel like a lump at times? I'm still trying to figure this one out.

Even though I realize it is somewhat unhealthy, mentally speaking, I bottle most of my thoughts, until at some point the top blows. Intuitively I know internalizing everything won't solve much, but at the same time it is good as any tactic to avoid proverbial elephants that are taking up space when you a strapped for time. Hence why I keep doing it. I don't think I mean to. It just happens. And I think it happens more than most people like to admit.

I am sure most people, myself included, are fortunate to have unwavering and compassionate support systems, whether they recognize it or not. I am in the I-often-forget-I-have-this-person-or-that-person-I-can-talk-category. As a result, thoughts, feelings, emotions are filed away for inevitable eruption.

One reason, I think, for our (and my) bottling up things is that we are conditioned early on not to talk to much about ourselves, try to draw attention to ourselves and to be strong in undesirable circumstances. How many times have you deflected compliments meant for you specifically? I am famously guilty of this. It is hard to accept something you yourself don't believe is true, even though something deep inside tells you it must be so or else you wouldn't have received the praise. This is why it can be hard, say, to write a cover letter or to interview for a job. Instead of imposing self-importance, we are often taught to be considerate and respectful to others.

So where is the happy medium between all of this? Where do all of our thoughts, ideas, opinions, feelings lurk, if not in the back of our minds (or in cyber space)? How do we overcome this? Some of us hold it in, then blow our tops; some of us wear our emotions at the front; some of us write. I am trying to get better with the last in order to avoid the first. I pride myself in the fact that I was once fairly good at keeping a daily journal, but have since fallen away from that.

It's said the bad habits are hard to break, but what about trying form good ones? Why is that equally as hard? I've often asked myself this and have yet to find an answer, even after much effort. If anyone has any insight or secret recipes they'd be willing to share, it would be greatly appreciated!

A preview of things to come: yes, I know! At moment, I am working a piece of writing profiling the life of Sigurd F. Olson, renowned as a nature writer and wilderness conservationist, for one of my classes that I'm rather excited about. Once the final touches have been added, I'll be posting it for your reading pleasure.

If you have not had the chance to read any of his work, I would definitely recommend it! There is a flare of simple elegance and quiet wisdom that permeates through the pages of his books and essays. Any lover of the outdoors is sure to feel something close to kinship as they read about the haunting warbling of loons or the flickering dance of the northern lights.

I'll leave you with one the quotes from Olson that I find fitting, especially for my ever-evolving environmental ethic:

"Wilderness is a spiritual necessity, an antidote to the high pressure of modern life, a means of regaining serenity and equilibrium."

 

Wake up! Wake up!

It’s official. Spring has sprung! Technically, it has for the last few days. However, not until now have I finally been in the mindset for it. I’ve been in denial, even with the warm, sunny days we’ve had. I was trying to maintain a little flame in hopes of one last winter flare up, but alas, it’s been snuffed out.

Everything is greening up…fast! Buds are popping out on the trees, tulips are peaking out from leaf beds, peepers and chorus frogs have begun their daily symphony under the stars, and farmers are in the fields, spreading manure or plowing (as I saw one Amish farmer doing on the drive back home for break).

How could one remain in denial after seeing this?

And the days are becoming longer! Forgot that one. It is doing wonders for my psyche. The late winter drear is always the worst, mostly because you know the end is near. To get out and enjoy part of the day after class has been great also! I broke out my bike again too, so a little more exercise doesn’t hurt either :) I put away some of the winter gear too (not that there were ample opportunities to use it) but still, I was able to pack it away for the most part. 

Ok I’m going to switch gears a bit…but it is related to spring in a round-about way in that the vernal season just brings giddy child-like enthusiasm to the surface.

A while back I wrote about finding my inner child through pottery painting. Well, I found another piece of it this weekend as a friend and I were hiking along the St. Croix River. The trail we hiked along was carved into the face of a limestone cliff that rose up from the river and was covered in bits of the broken limestone. A few times, we stopped to marvel at how calm the river was in the early evening. We looked down at the trail and then back at each other, sharing the same thought.

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something ridiculously satisfying about whipping a rock as far as you can into water. For me, the urge to throw a rock is no different from swiping a finger through a freshly frosted cake or blowing on a dandelion puff ball. I am inexplicably drawn and overcome with the need to do it. Consequences (if there were any) be damned! The itch to do it will never cease until you do it.

One of our hypotheses (other than the urge) was the sploosh of the rock as it plunges into the water. You know what I am talking about.

I was also tempted to climb down to the water’s edge more than once to scope out some nice, flat stones. Although I am horrible at it, I love skipping stones. With the water so still, it would have been perfect! Again with the urges…

In addition to finding another bit of my inner child on this hike, I also had WOW (wildlife of the week) moment! Most of you know I have an almost absurd infatuation with raptors, and well, Bald Eagles are no exception. While we were hiking, I heard that distinctive cackling. I stopped to listen for moment, heard it again, and whipped my head upward. There were two eagles soaring probably no more than 20 yards above us. They were so close you could hear the whoosh as they dived and then powerful flapping of their wings after before they were out of sight. I can still hear it if I listen carefully.

I wish I had thought about it at the time, but in the words of Ronald Weasley….Wicked! (Just for you, Mandy :) Oh and for those of you who are also hopelessly enchanted with the world of Harry Potter!)

On a completely unrelated note…I have confession to make. I’ve broken my Facebook hiatus, if only for a few moments. At the time I took leave from Facebook, quite a few friends have had or have been having babies, and since then I’ve also been hearing through some grapevines, that more friends are now expecting. Needless to say, curiosity has gotten the best of me. 

I have no intentions of making Facebook a daily habit again, but since logging back in, I have yet to deactivate it and to go back on it since I first logged in again last week. I have been thinking on and off about slowing reintroducing myself, not quite sure yet though. We’ll see if that day comes. For now, I’m opting not to deactivate it again, mostly as a test. 

Wish me luck!

Reader Beware: Must be 21 or older to read!

Oh my goodness! It’s already March! I’m alive, I promise. I hope those of you have been following are doing well. HOW ARE YOU???

This past month has slipped away, almost literally I’d argue, especially with all the times I’ve very (un)-gracefully landed on my behind while walking to and from class. We’ve been so spoiled with nice, sunny weather in between all the little bursts of snow that I almost entirely forget about the ice that reforms overnight. And while I am really enjoying this nice, lovely weather, it kind of freaks me out a little also for obvious reasons. I hope we can at least get enough of a snowpack so that I might be able to break out the snowshoes at least once this year! I'm more than a bit jealous of all the snow they got at the lake in the past week and not being able tromp around it...

As predicted, the semester is proving to be a busy one (like all of them!), hence the month—long—wait. I know, I know, excuses, right? Perhaps a little…it has been nice out also, after all… At any rate, a busy semester…’nuff said! J

I think we the exception of physics, I am enjoying my classes for the most part. Although—side note, here!—as much as I gripe about physics, I did have an “Aha!” Light bulb moment last week, so I guess not all is as lost as I thought. My two writing courses are probably my favorites I’d say. I geeked out a bit last time over them, so I will spare you the rambling if only to say that thoughtfulness, creativity, and horrible puns know no bounds!

If anything hasn’t been school related in the last month, I probably haven’t done it…Oh wait! There have been a few events of note…probably the most prominent of them being the annual Schell Brewery Bockfest in New Ulm, MN. While it was an excuse to consume awesome beer and spend time with some great people, there is also interesting historical and cultural significance to the creation and seasonality of bock beer. (This is going to be the geeky note!)

As one could guess from the name alone, New Ulm is a town rooted deep in German tradition. It also happened to be co-founded by August Schell. Soon after, Schell founded the brewery in 1860, the oldest in Minnesota and second oldest in the country. Today, the brewery, and all of the buildings near to it, including the Schell Mansion are some of the oldest buildings in the region. During the Sioux Uprising, all of the buildings were spared because of the initial hospitality and kindness of the Schell family had shown to the Dakota Sioux as the brewery was first becoming established. To the right is a photo of the brewery in the 1930s.

So the creation of bock? Well, the exact circumstances surrounding the origins are little hazy, but it is said to have been first brewed as a heavy lager in the town of Einbeck in the 14^th century. It was designed to provide sustenance for monks during Lenten fasts. In the 17^th century, brewers in Munich adopted the Einbeck beer, and due to the heavy Bavarian accents, it was pronounced like “Ein bock.” Literally translated, bock means “goat” in German, which is why there are often goats in the labels of bock beers as a sort of visual pun.

Another part of the historical and cultural tradition of bock beer is that is traditionally brewed in the fall, left to ferment over winter and the tapping of it in late winter/early spring signifies the end of winter and beginning of spring. This also coincides with the celebration Fasching (aka Fasnet, a dialectic version from Swabia, is how I learned it from my host family) or what is also commonly known as German Mardi Gras on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. This festival commemorates the expulsion of bad spirits of winter (death, darkness, destruction) in order to allow the annual life cycle (resurrection—think of the green up in spring!) to begin again. People dress up as witches or evil spirits in order to symbolically drive out the evil spirits. The name of the festival refers to fasting during the Lenten season, where Christians traditionally abstained from meat, alcohol, and festivities until Easter and the resurrection of Jesus. Altogether, Fasnet combines both pagan and Christian beliefs to symbolize the coming of the new annual cycle.

So in New Ulm, the Bock fest is always held the Saturday before Lent and Fasching celebrations, which are also held throughout the day. My day spent at the brewery was awesome and not only for the cultural and historical notes. The costumes of some of the people there were the highlights, actually, along with the polka band! However, I don’t think I’ll able to listen to “the Ring of Fire” for a very long time. I lost track of how many times I heard it after about the 12th time!

The first thing I noticed after hopping off our bus was that I was a bit underdressed compared to most people, especially without a bomber hat (I'll be prepared next year!). Just about everyone was a wearing one. Some people even had homemade ones made from Schell beer boxes and lined with fur! And if people weren’t wearing bomber hats, most were wearing football-type helmets adorned with deer antlers or other animals (saw a crow and a cat at some point throughout the day). One man standing behind us in line was wearing a fedora with a squirrel lying belly up, drinking from a Schell can. Beside this there was also a group of people wearing traditional Fasnet costumes with the wooden masks! (You can imagine my excitement!) I wanted to get a picture, but sadly didn’t trust myself to bring my camera and the phone died!

Here are what many Fasnet costumes look like though (these photos were shamelessly pilfered from Google images)

So….that was a very lengthy Geek Note. Wow, apologies on that one. When I’m not enjoying a good beer fest, though, it’s been all about school to be sure and work, of course. Oh, and still applying for jobs for the summer. I’m beginning to become a little disheartened with each passing day and no bites on the lines I keep dropping…Hopefully it will all pay off soon though!

Now, back to that thing called homework...

Bis dann!...Or BOCK ON!

New year, new beginnings, new semester...

So here it is: the beginning of a new semester, and the start of the countdown to the end… it’s within sight! Come December, they’re turning me loose! It’s only a week into the new semester, and already it’s shaping up to be a busy one, much like the class I just finished up.

Speaking of, NR 490 turned out very well in the end. I’m almost certain I nearly died though, not only from all the work and hours put into each plan and presentation, but more so from laughing so hard during the presentation portion. Anyone walking into the room might have thought they’d taken a wrong turn and ended up in a comedy club.

The second half of the class turned out much better than the first, mostly because we had much more wiggle room with regard to creative licensing. While I’m certain that Kringle wolves and Flying Reindeer probably won’t gain any brownie points for a future career boost, they did provide a valuable opportunity to draw up special management objective for species (however fictitious they may be) of special concern in addition to giving semi-professional presentations in “real-life” simulations.

All in all, despite much of the frustration that came from the class, I do think there was a great practical component of it.  There is a reason it’s called Integrated Resource Management. Working in a team with your peers and with most of you specializing in various disciplines allows everyone to bring something to the table. It forces you to compromise and work together to devise best management strategies and objectives for both private landowners and public land.

Almost as soon as class ended, I was on the road, back home for a few more days before the beginning of the new semester. I was excited to spend a little more time on the lake, even with the lack of snow. First things first, I met up with a few friends…just because. There is a new restaurant with a tap room (a very exciting thought, especially for a college student!). It was doubly exciting to discover after ordering our beers that it was two-for-one when two pints were set down in front of us.

But the lake! Yes, I made it to the lake…and it was definitely interesting, in a good way, as most things are J I was reminded once again just why I love the more…eclectic members of my family, namely Grandpa Ron or Grandpa Duck as I always called him. While we all have our faults and idiosyncrasies that drive each other insane, one thing about grandpa remains constant: he will put up with just about anything to be the center of attention, providing endless jibes and entertainment at his expense. Here is a snapshot of this past weekend’s adventure with OB Ron:

This is Rhonda, grandpa’s alter ego. Apparently she’s been around for a while or so I’ve been told. I’ve never seen her until this last weekend. Who knew?

So yes, there is always something interesting happening at the lake! Rhonda will live on forever, I think, or least we won’t let grandpa forget! Fishing was just about as slow as the last time. All I managed to pull up were two small perch. If Mom had been there, I’m willing to bet the fish would have been jumping out of the hole! Just isn’t fair…

The new semester has started off fairly well, I think. There will be quite a bit of group work again…and reading and writing! I guess it’s a good thing I enjoy both. I’ve already gotten a little too into some of the readings not yet assigned—we have an anthology of environmental essays and excerpts from books for one of the classes—and I’m having some flashbacks from high school. Many of the entries and authors in the anthology I’ve read from or discussed before—Paul Ehrlich from The Population Bomb, Garrett Hardin from the Tragedy of the Commons, Sigurd Olson, E.B. White, Annie Dillard, John McPhee from Encounters with the Archdruid, Linda Hogan, Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry, Barbara Kingsolver from Small Wonder to name a few. Gahh!!! There are so many great authors out there, it’s quite ridiculous! I don’t know how to handle it J I am looking forward to re-reading many of them (even if they aren’t assigned) and discussing them again, this time with a different lens. I’m looking forward to writing more also. I can’t wait. Bear with me if this becomes a sort of sloppy copy slate.
Along with my excitement of the new semester, came the first time running with the dogs this season. I can still remember the first time I ran with them, on my own that is. I was riding double and the next thing I knew I was on the sled by myself, completely unsure of my ability to maintain control. I needn’t have worried, I realized. The dogs knew what to do. I had only to trust them. It was just eight dogs and myself running under a starry sky, listening to the sound of their breathing, the runners of the sled scraping along the trail, my heart thumping wildly. It is a moment in time forever seared into my memory.
I cannot thank Miss Samantha enough for introducing me to such an awesome opportunity J I’ve been slacking, I know. I’m trying, really I am!
In spite of the excitement of the new semester, dogs, and Rhonda, a part of me also has also been far too gone in a weird mood these last few weeks, withdrawn into myself. I feel as though I’m suspended, going neither here nor there, just stuck in a moment. It feels very much like the first semester I was in Point—very cold and confused and alone. I’ve no one to blame but myself for this feeling in dealing with the curveballs I’ve been thrown, and more importantly, the curveballs I’ve inadvertently thrown toward others.

There is nothing worse than having your most personal thoughts exposed and then having the one you hoped would never see them, laying on eyes on them. I can’t say for certain they did read those thoughts, but I have strong feeling they might have. I was thoughtless in leaving them out in the open. My insides have been wound tighter than a coiled spring and I can’t seem to figure out how to loosen them (hence my weird mood and the withdrawal). I am not sorry for writing those words. But for the person who might have read them—and if you read this—I am sorry. Sorry for the confusion, the awkwardness, the embarrassment. Sorry that I may have ruined our friendship.

I hope that maybe someday this friendship might be rebuilt…

The Green Hornet strikes again...!!!

Happy New Year all! It's been a hectic one for me so far, but still great!

New Year's weekend at the lake is always a good time. Recreational opportunities were on the short side this year due to the lack of snow, but we—I—found ways around that. The time at the lake managed to go by just as fast as my short winter break did. Every minute was filled with something—fishing, visiting, applying for jobs (not so fun, but necessary), and of course, eating! I love food far too for my own good J We had an awesome fish-fry from some of the walleye Mom caught over Memorial weekend!

Ice fishing was probably the highlight of the weekend. I can’t remember the last time I went ice fishing…it’s been a while though! To build up the excitement (and maybe for a bit of luck!) grandpa pulled of the most iconic ice fishing poles I’m sure most anyone who has seen Grumpy Old Men would recognize in a heartbeat: the Green Hornet! I have no idea where or how he acquired it or if he made it. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had made it.

Here is a picture of it; hopefully it works!

To catch up those of you with the misfortune of unfamiliar with the Green Hornet or Grumpy Old Men, it is an ice fishing pole one of the characters has had since he was a little boy and it has basically been his good luck charm out on the ice throughout his life. Grumpy Old Men is a classic as far as our family is concerned. Yes, this is highly subjective, I realize, but for anyone who’s seen it, is it not one of the best ways to ring in the winter season? I think so anyway…it’s one of those films that never gets old no matter how many times you watch it. (And, yes, that was double negative also!)

So far this new year, I’ve come to realize just why people are driven to drink coffee or other such caffeinated beverages…Well, I think I have at any rate. There is a point, I promise.

Coffee has been a friend of mine for some years now, not only for the smell as it brews or the acquired taste of it that I’ve become appreciative of or even the fact that it wakes me up in the morning. It’s more that it has become a part of my routine. Each morning I boil water and pour it over the fresh grounds in my French press…and wait four, five, six minutes depending on how strong I want it that day.

Routine, that is really what it is, I swear.

However, I’ve become more open (intimate, if I’m being honest with myself) to its caffeinated properties of late, and never more so than in the last seven days! The reasoning for this observation is quite simple: Natural Resources 490 also known as Integrated Resource Management Seminar.

This seminar course is not really anything one could fully prepare themselves for. Since last Tuesday,and the nine others in my group and myself have worked round the clock (literally) in some cases brainstorming, researching, writing, and editing a proposed land management plan for a private landowner based on a hypothetical situation. Coffee has helped me through this, allowing for late nights of sleeplessness due to the need for a little more energy to…keep…going! The part I seem to keep forgetting is that it takes a while to absorb into my system and therefore, the burst of energy tends to come as I trying to get a little sleep (much like now!)

We are presenting tomorrow. I can only hope it goes smoothly. The presentation is meant to simulate a real-life situation, so that means…role-playing on everyone’s part: my group as A+ Natural Resource Management consultants and others as the landowner and other stakeholders.

I’m a little nervous. I detest public speaking. It’s far too easy to get caught up in a bundle of nerves and uncertainty, which I often find myself in despite the little pep talk I’ll give myself or how many times I practice my part. It’s just one of those things…

Once this presentation is over, we are half-way through the madness! One more project and presentation, then hello to the last weekend of winter break before the real semester starts.

I’m hoping for a good one!

Post-Christmas haze

Oh Mylanta! Where have I been?? I hope everyone has had a calm and relaxing Christmas and on their way to a rockin’ new year! I’m headed off to the lake in T-minus 12 hours!

So…the end of the semester went out with a bang…a good bang, that is! All three of my exams—1,2,3—beginning at 8 am on Monday 19 December went great. Definitely much better than I had originally thought. What a pleasant early Christmas gift!

I was homeward bound very soon after…which is always an awesome feeling. Side note: I love driving. Not really sure why, but I do. The drive to and from Point is always very…relaxing. I love passing by Amish farms, sometimes seeing carriages on the road or on certain days, all the laundry hanging outside, no matter the weather conditions. And there is something to be said about turning the radio up and singing at the top of my lungs (and wildly off-key, I might add!). There is always something medicinal about it. I always feel refreshed after a good jam session in the car. I love it!

On the way home I made the routine stop in Rudolph for cheese. It would almost be sacrilege not to. Horror of all horrors, there was no cheese spaghetti, as I call it. (It’s really string cheese). Such a sad day indeed. I was able to come away with fresh, squeaky cheese curds though, so not all was lost J

Since I stepped out of the car, I’ve been on the go ever since. The longest I’ve been able to just…sit, is now as I’m typing. Every day has been filled with something—visiting friends, decorating our bare Christmas tree, playing the role of Susie Homemaker, sleepovers, intense games of cribbage and International. It’s been never-ending. Many of you know and would probably agree that usually I’m quite the hermit with zip of a social life. I’m enjoying this break from the norm, flitting this way and that, masquerading as a social butterfly.

Christmas at the Fitzel-O’Brien homestead was much like most get-togethers at our house—filled with good food, good wine, and lots of laughs. The wine may have had a role in this, but even without it, we are all such goofs, it’s not really needed for us to have good time. There are, on average, 3-4 conversations going at the same time across the room, through the kitchen and all through the house. It’s a wonder my head is still attached!

However, the highlight of this Christmas break, I think, was being able to go back to Little Sisters of the Poor, the nursing home I’ve spent so much time at, first as a visitor of my Anna Banana, then as a volunteer, and finally as an aide while in high school. It felt kind of like a time-warp walking back in the Home. I recognized and remembered so many faces and was surprised by how many still recognized me. There were many double takes before the recognition set in and when it did, I worried I might cause a heart attack or two. Luckily there weren’t any. It almost felt as though I’d never even left. There definitely have been some changes, but the routine was still very much the same, at least at supper time J

Oh…there was another highlight! One of the best surprises came in the form of a Christmas card from one of my grade school teachers. I hadn’t seen her in almost five years, when she came to my high school graduation! I couldn’t believe it had been that long. We were able to make a breakfast date and spent four and half hours catching up. It was great!

Receiving her card was such humbling moment. It made me feel a little guilty for how badly I’ve kept in touch with many of you over the years. But it was also a stark reminder that even in the absence of regular contact or when we may find ourselves feeling very much alone, there are still many thoughts and well wishes sent in every direction. There are always ‘what if’s’ or ‘I wonder’s.’ Now, whenever I wonder about someone I haven’t seen or talked to in a while, I’m certain that they are probably sharing the same thoughts.

Thank you, Mrs. Maruska, for making me see the other side of my ‘I wonder.’ :)

My name is Liz and I've been clean for nearly two weeks.

And it hasn't been as horrible as I thought it would be. I'm a little antsy, mostly because I'm curious to know if the aforementioned friend has had her baby yet. I imagine she has...and words can't describe how excited I am for her!

It will get better with time...as most things do.

I've more time to devote to productive activities...such as making lists, checking them twice, celebrating a post-Thanksgiving/pre-finals night of frivolity...oh yes, and how could I forget studying for those dreaded finals. What kind of college student would I or anyone be without one part studying sprinkled with a little fun and procrastination? Not a normal one, that's for sure! Don't worry, folks, I was focused enough to get in some good study time for my finals! And I'm positive the three of them all went well!

So yes, the celebration of post-Thanksgiving and pre-finals was just what the doctor ordered to lighten the load and to just...be a kid again. In recent years (meaning since college life began) I am ironically rediscovering the joy in the simplicity not acting my age...under proper circumstances of course. I've begun gravitating to memories of my childhood, almost clinging to them in a way that I can't quite explain. Maybe it is my subconscious trying to tell me something! It's probably not ready for the world of post-graduation yet...and I suppose I'm not so sure myself.

Again, only time will tell.

But yes, the little celebration was great! It began with painting pottery, eating wonderful food, playing the most awesome dance-off game, and then of course, some time spent downtown. Since this night also happened to be my birthday, it was only natural to take advantage of the some of the birthday specials. I made it home to my own bed and still remember everything that happened :)

The next day was back to the grindstone until yesterday when I stepped out of the car. And man oh man does it feel good to be home! It will be good to catch up with family, old friends, write letters, apply for jobs...The list is ridiculously long, but I've already been able to check a few things of since yesterday.

This is short entry, but there is much to do. I hope everyone has a relaxing and nice Christmas holiday. There will definitely be more to come!

Bis dann!